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Almost always a struggle50% Voted for by SlimGuyBRI, tar, cerokhol, sjrlink100.
Depending on if you choose to stay a loner or not, you will probably have rough waters ahead.
The loner life is tough and unstable. The worst part however is the transition with someone of the opposite sex. There are characteristics that normally make you "great" that now make you miserable. Like loyalty, feathfulness, kindness, and caring. The things that make you strong make you week and you just don't understand. You give and give with no return. Normally that wouldn't be that big of a deal, but the person you are caring for and wanting to be with and help out so much doesn't really notice. The lack of aknowledgment makes it hard for the relationship to be "2 way". The lack of communication that you are so used to from being a loner now kills you. Your mind starts racing and you start feeling emotions which you aren't used to. You wonder why you feel like this when you know that you're doing Everything possible to make things enjoyable for everyone. It bugs you and makes you go crazy! Then you realize... that there are some things (like relationships) that can't be "one sided" you can't have control of the whole situation like normal. You have to rely on others to do their part (which scares you). You start looking back at your loner life and wishing you would have just stayed that way. But then part of your mind keeps telling you that being lonely sucks compared to a happy relationship. You sit and think for hours on end. you don't accomplish anything and you feel like crap. People will offer to help you out but you turn them down because you are used to doing everything yourself. But you havn't been stuck like this before. You aren't used to problems that you just can't solve on your own. You think if theres anyway that you could end things easily and go back to the loner life... but it's too late, you have been affected by another and all you can do now is hope... ...hope that you will show up on the radar. Hope that you can work your way up and be on the other persons mind. You want the chance to be a friend and have fun and joke around. but this person already has really good friends. there's no room for you in that aspect of their life. You think of other ways to be needed. You know that the family will always be there taking up most of the other persons life. You unfortunatly have to face the fact that things like sports will take priority over you also. You realize that no matter what the other person says and no matter what they do, they won't understand fully. They won't understand that they aren't fully ready for someone like you. They havn't reached your age or your calibre. You are somewhat trapped in a position that brings you great joy and even greater pain. But you fight on because you never give up. You grit your teeth and decide that you're just tired and going crazy. You decide that you need sleep and you need to stop caring so much, just for a little bit. The other person will be too caught up in things to notice that you are fighting with yourself to focus on yourself once again if only for a few hours so you don't go insane. But you can't help but care for the other person and want to be with them all the time. you want to make them happy, you want to feel the comfort of having them by your side. The comfort that you have been lacking your whole life... The comfort that a loner can never feel (or never feel and want to go back to just being a loner again). You want to make up for all the years that you havn't been able to pamper someone with love and be cared for and pampered in return. You don't want to do anything in fright that you could miss an opportunity with the other person. You anxiously await the times when you have a plan to hang out or even talk. You manytimes end up waiting for nothing, or for postponement. But it's those few times that you see them that you feed off of. You let everything else slide just to be with the other person while the other person has No idea that anything like this is going on. they don't ever have a second thought about the situation (if they even have a thought). You just decide that you are going to pained like this for awhile. but you will patiently wait out the pain in hopes that the other person will progress or that something might change. you will put yourself in every possible place to open up an opportunity. Your head starts to hurt because you have been thinking and stressing too much and decide to "just relax" and go to sleep before you can talk yourself out of giving yourself a break. For tomorrow is another day! and you can think things through all over again when you wake up.
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it's not so bad25% Voted for by NeferMaatNetjer, birdlover06.
Yes, it's true that being a loner is a lonely life. I know. I lived it for 41 years, and only recently ended it with marriage.
but it's not all bad. being a loner means you are always free. free to be yourself, without having to keep up appearances or act the part that is expected of you. being a loner means you ase accountable only to yourself, and those you choose to respect. .being a loner means your time is yours and yours alone, to spend as you please. so, it's really not so bad, even though it's not easy. and besides, if you think being alone is lonely, try being in a bad relationship. I've been there as well, and i would much rather be alone.
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few friendsVoted for by denise tombs.
Well, I've always been most comfortable with my own company.I've been guily of neglecting friendships in the past.I am married now and have a few good friends, but I dont spend a lot of time with them as I feel claustrophobic.I also have social anxiety which means I can talk to someone on their own, but am unable to approach them if they are with others.I am always polite, but distant.I think its my up bringing!
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...the upsidethoughts on being a loner...I think it stems from early childhood. I believe its either a learned behavior or adopted mentality due to abandonment issues or a detachment disorder; alcoholic parent, mental parent, absent parent, abusive parent or siblings, divorce, raised in the woods, etc,.Voted for by Quietoutloud.
Somewhere back in time we learned not to need or expect company or "real" communication from others - but to accept it as it comes. Some may view us as insecure but in fact we are quite the opposite. We LOVE ourselves so much that we can often be the only company we will ever need - and cannot understand why the world isn't at our door. We are vibrant creative beings who have learned to entertain ourselves.
It is when that basic "mating" instinct comes along biologically that we are thrown for a loop, so to speak. We are attracted to the social personality, possibly in hopes to garner some of that personality or mirror it at the very least in order to get who/what we want in our lives. But we soon find out that this personality is exhausting to be around at length. As I age/mature I am more attracted to a quiet, nerdy, dry sense of humor type of a man. I've gone thru men like changing socks, I've had long term relationships, and I've been married...then divorced. I tend to be a pleaser one-on-one and a bit of a control freak too. But I can be quite outspoken and full of myself in settings with more than one person - because I don't really need them so if they disagree with me, so what? I have learned to comment only on subjects on which I have considerable knowledge or strong opinion -if I am trying to culminate an attachment that I might want to keep. I am calculating, yet not manipulative, but reserved. I don't "run my mouth" senselessly. I am a "listener" most of the time and people tend to shy away from that type of personality - unless they are the "user" type. Then, of course, "we" are perfect prey. When they are done you are history and left wanting to be alone more so than you had before you ever met them.
I find the theory that the character "George" had in an episode of Seinfeld works well. It may not be appropriate or healthy but it works; Always leave a social situation on an "up" note - before anyone finds out that it is taking every ounce of energy you can muster just to participate in the social event. This doesn't work in intimate relationships though. One can only hope that he/she has some special redeeming quality that a potential mate simply cannot live without - and hope they will suffer thru all of our other loner-type "BS" to keep the love alive. LMAO.
But we make good writers, movie makers, and artists because we're in our heads so much. We take the world in because we aren't so busy running our mouths that we can actually process things and spit out something that others respond to with jaw-dropping awe. We often know exactly what makes others tick and we have lots to offer in a stable relationship. We just have a tough time "delivering the goods" if we do not have a patient partner who is keen enough to "recognize".
But...what do I know? I could be way off base. So, there's my disclaimer. LOL. We're good with pets.
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December 19, 2005
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December 30, 2005
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January 7, 2006
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July 25, 2006
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Love is paitent and it doesn't have to be a bad thing
I just spent my first year at a new school and I don't have any friends. I can understand how hard it is to forget about someone you have felt attracted to for such a long time or a friend that you have had for quite awhile. It takes patience to find new friends or to love again, but until then you might as well find comfort in memories as I have.February 6
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...the upside
thoughts on being a loner...I think it stems from early childhood. I believe its either a learned behavior or adopted mentality due to abandonment issues or a detachment disorder; alcoholic parent, mental parent, absent parent, abusive parent or siblings, divorce, raised in the woods, etc,.Somewhere back in time we learned not to need or expect company or "real" communication from others - but to accept it as it comes. Some may view us as insecure but in fact we are quite the opposite. We LOVE ourselves so much that we can often be the only company we will ever need - and cannot understand why the world isn't at our door. We are vibrant creative beings who have learned to entertain ourselves.
It is when that basic "mating" instinct comes along biologically that we are thrown for a loop, so to speak. We are attracted to the social personality, possibly in hopes to garner some of that personality or mirror it at the very least in order to get who/what we want in our lives. But we soon find out that this personality is exhausting to be around at length. As I age/mature I am more attracted to a quiet, nerdy, dry sense of humor type of a man. I've gone thru men like changing socks, I've had long term relationships, and I've been married...then divorced. I tend to be a pleaser one-on-one and a bit of a control freak too. But I can be quite outspoken and full of myself in settings with more than one person - because I don't really need them so if they disagree with me, so what? I have learned to comment only on subjects on which I have considerable knowledge or strong opinion -if I am trying to culminate an attachment that I might want to keep. I am calculating, yet not manipulative, but reserved. I don't "run my mouth" senselessly. I am a "listener" most of the time and people tend to shy away from that type of personality - unless they are the "user" type. Then, of course, "we" are perfect prey. When they are done you are history and left wanting to be alone more so than you had before you ever met them.
I find the theory that the character "George" had in an episode of Seinfeld works well. It may not be appropriate or healthy but it works; Always leave a social situation on an "up" note - before anyone finds out that it is taking every ounce of energy you can muster just to participate in the social event. This doesn't work in intimate relationships though. One can only hope that he/she has some special redeeming quality that a potential mate simply cannot live without - and hope they will suffer thru all of our other loner-type "BS" to keep the love alive. LMAO.
But we make good writers, movie makers, and artists because we're in our heads so much. We take the world in because we aren't so busy running our mouths that we can actually process things and spit out something that others respond to with jaw-dropping awe. We often know exactly what makes others tick and we have lots to offer in a stable relationship. We just have a tough time "delivering the goods" if we do not have a patient partner who is keen enough to "recognize".
But...what do I know? I could be way off base. So, there's my disclaimer. LOL. We're good with pets.
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