There is one choice, 1 vote for lott's debate

should i have kids?

• Genetics and my medical history

  I've grown up with hypothyroidism not knowing that i had it and because of that, i grew up extremely depressed and suicidal until one doctor finally tested me for thyroid problems about the age of 13. about the same year i would of started my period (one of the worst days of my life). it hurt so bad that i couldn't walk, wouldn't move, and sometimes would bleed for 2 months at a time. i then discovered midol about 1 or 2 years later, i loved it but couldn't take it more than 2 days at a time because it contained caffeine and i'd end up staying awake an entire night. two months before my 16th birthday, i was to take two shots of rubella 1 month apart of the other because the doc said i had no antibodies. so i take one and i end up with a fever of 103, the nurse says "thats impossible" but i think shes absolutely stupid and ignore her. the next month i go in, my fevers gone, they give me the shot and i get another fever, this time its 104. so i go to the doc, he gives me some pills and says this may help you, week later i end up in the hospital with pneumonia. can't breath, can't walk, throwing up, won't eat, got an iv in my hand and a chair with a freaking bucket attached as my toilet sitting next to my bed!! its now 2007, i'm married, want kids but can't afford it, turning 21 on memorial day and i have gallstones. they hurt like hell and i constantly feel like i want to throw up, my back and shoulders hurt, and i have no medical insurance. polycystic kidneys are in my husbands fmly, genetic on his moms side of the fmly. so i ask you, with mine and his medical problems, should i have kids??

  Voted for by lott.

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  • 
    Hekate
    May 23, 2007
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    Have you thought of adoption??
    If you have questions about it maybe you should think about that
  • 
    Kazrith
    May 24, 2007
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    genetics. the beauty with them is that, the (we will call them mutated)mutated genes are not always passed on to the child.
    
    but i think you are looking at this the wrong way. what you should be thinking of is whether you could give them a good life or not with your problems.
    
    sorry that sounds mean, but i dont know what other way to put it.
  • 
    Makessenseright
    May 24, 2007
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    I vote for the adoption idea. No "bad" genes, no hard pregnancy, but it's up to you!
  • 
    Xelgaroth
    May 24, 2007
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    I agree with Kaz, no offense intended. Just as a thought until you and/or your husband can figure out how to stablize yourselves medically, perhaps it wouldn't be wise to seek parenthood. I'm only fourteen so you probably shouldn't take my advice but it just seems to me that if you and he have that many medical problems it first of all sounds like you probably have to spend a fair amount of money on medical bills, especially since you don't have medical insurance. If you choose to have children it COULD, not necessarily, but COULD, give you just another financial burden to contend with for now. Also, if you suffer from all of those medical conditions, it could offer you less time or energy to raise children. It may just add more strees to your lives.
    
    Please understand that I'm not saying you SHOULDN'T have kids, and I'm in NO way whatsoever an expert on the subject by any means, I'm not your doctor, I'm not your parents, I'm just a kid myself, but I'm just giving my opinion. You may have kids and have no problems at all. It just seems to me that at least for NOW, it may be wise to wait a little while to see how it is a few years down the road before you choose to have children.
    
    Dan
  • 
    M.Ridgway
    May 25, 2007
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    I'm thinking with gaz here, why are you looking for personal advice on a public forum?
  • 
    Weydon
    May 25, 2007
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    You don't need professional counseling, there's nothing wrong with you mentally.
    
    I'm with Kaz and Xel on this one. If you can't afford it, have no insurance, and are in constant pain--now might not be the best time to have kids. This news should not shatter your world. I know you want kids, but you're only turning 21 now. You have the rest of your life to have kids. Work on getting things in order now and being happy now. When things improve there will be plenty of time to have kids.
  • 
    Weydon
    May 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Because there is no physical counseling.
  • 
    pwincessovfantasy
    May 26, 2007
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    All I have to say, is that you should talk to people of whom you think is close to you, people you can trust and that has all your best interests at heart. But you have to know that it is yours and your husbands choice, not ours.
  • 
    Weydon
    May 27, 2007
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    Why is everyone downplaying the idea of asking for advice? An idiotic coked up mentally challenged racist can utter a true statement. Just let her read different trains of thought, and then she can decide what makes the most sense. The final choice, obviously, is always up to her. She just wants different viewpoints--which is completely normal and something everyone does.
  • 
    Weydon
    May 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Which you followed up with "but my advice to you is to not take the advice of anybody on this forum." Rather ironical if not intentional I may add. And after that 2 more people ADVISED against taking ADVICE here.
    
    "do you not think it better they seek professional advice on a serious life changing issue rather than listening to a bunch of folks on a website? "
    
    She's not suicidal. She's confused about an issue that could affect anyone, and hearing out varied opinions aren't going to put her in danger. No professional counseling is needed for this situation. A professional counselor will help with serious issues like suicidal tendencies, dealing with the loss of a loved one, extreme depression, broken heart, abundant stress, etc--all of which are things anyone can help out with, but may not have the tact or knowledge of successful approaches. There are no PhD classes involving endless hours of research and effort that anyone here missed that could have better prepared us for this question. I even doubt that, aside from a situation such as this, that a professional counselor would feel comfortable telling someone whether they should or shouldn't have kids. There job is to make you well adjusted MENTALLY, and make you feel feel comfortable with yourself. Not to make choices for you. Only in cases of extreme mental defect or inability to take care of a child would s/he--or anyone--recommend that waiting a while may be best.
    
    "Especially when the majority of the folks on the website giving the advice are not even old enough or experienced enough to dish out advice."
    
    Because even an idiotic coked up mentally challenged racist can say something factual. She's not handing people a gun and say "Shoot me if you think that's wise." She's reading things and deciding for herself which would make the most sense.
    
    Kids are something she would love to have, but she realizes her immediate situation is not the best place for having them. Therefore, all she can do is worry about what it would be like to have them anyway--if at all if her current situation was indefinite. She wanted comfort in the fact that she, a 21 year old, has plenty of time to have kids and get in a better financial situation while also possibly recovering even better from her condition. In the meantime, she can take a breath of relief on concentrate on other things that can make her happy. Remember that the idea of having kids SOMEDAY is not the only means of being happy. Or she can spend 1,000's of dollars on a mental counselor to ask this question.
  • 
    Weydon
    May 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    <

    FYI
    
    Dictionary:
    Has countless definitions, and never expected to be endlessly used in "choose your favorite word-for-word definition depending on your argument" debates. I would imagine the depression of such a fate would land poor little dictionary into counseling.
    
    "advice; opinion or instruction given in directing the judgment or conduct of another.
    
    No mention of mental, physical or otherwise."
    
    Because those things have nothing to do with better mental health? If you want I'll take one of the dozen other definitions of counseling until I find the word mental.
    
    "Should I have kids?" Is not something to need to pay a counselor for, and not something us slack-jawed yokels are incapable of talking about.
  • 
    lott
    May 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    well, i can tell you im not suicidal. i am surprised of how many people responded to my question. especially all the arguments about whether i should take advice from strangers or if i should seek mental help. i posted this because i wanted opinions from people i didnt know and think completely different from each other and myself. i want to explore every option i have. im quite indecisive and so is my husband, i do all the research i can: ask questions, read articles, etc. Rich and i will be the only ones who decides whether we have children or not, so dont worry about expressing what you feel you should or shouldnt say. i'd just like to know what someone else would do in my situation. think of it as a hypothetical question.
  • 
    Weydon
    May 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Best of luck btw
  • 
    Makessenseright
    May 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Now that you have generated so much interest, would you mind updating us when you do make a decision?
    
    Good luck!

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