Lust receives a bad press, predominantly due to religious views. I'm not here to discuss theology.
Marriage makes the two as one and sex is all part of the plan.
Lust occurs during sex, fact.
So, the question; is lust a requirement for a fulfilling and loving marriage?
Let me rephrase the question. Can a healthy sexual relationship between man and wife be enduring without lust?
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welli am a Christian and i don't think that its a requirement but i believe that there is nothing wrong for a married couple to have lust for each other.28% Voted for by HidetoT12, ditchtheloser.
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petethemeat
October 20, 2007
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October 22, 2007
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October 22, 2007
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So no lust, no marriage.
November 7, 2007
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Applehead
November 8, 2007
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I agree lust is lust. When feeling lustful we desire to fulfill OUR own desires.
Loving desire is a union, a meeting and exchange of desires. One pleasing the other to exceed each others wants and needs.
I know which I prefer.
Weydon
November 8, 2007
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My own lustful feelings include making the other person, oftentimes the person I love, feel good. If I'm doing it just for them, it's a favor and an awkward one at that. I'm not going to sleep with someone unless I feel lustful already, or they put me in the mood. I wouldn't even be able to.
Applehead
November 10, 2007
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Healthy sexual desire to share one another within a marraige is a blessing. Longing, sensuality, desire, passion, tenderness, craving, voracity, yearning, romance, adoration, excitement, intensity.. the list goes on.
Lust is usually understood to be about greed not giving.
"If I'm doing it just for them, it's a favour and an awkward one at that."
Agreed if its your nextdoor neighbour lol but how about your wife?
"....or they put me in the mood."
If your wife is feeling a little horny and you would rather watch the telly we could end up with a few scenarios.
1) You ignore her needs and carry on watching tv ignorant to the possible damage recurrances of this behaviour may cause. In other words she goes and finds someone who will make an effort.
2) Joining in you decide to let her get on with it while you watch tv and hope she gets bored. Again no sacrifice from you, your not in the mood so that is that. She feels unloved undesireable and so gives up on taking care of herself..whats the point if you dont find her attractive.
AAAHHHH end of sex life!!!!
If on the other hand you see this as giving to your wife and in return she gives to you then not only will she get you in the mood but you will actually enjoy pleasing her more as while she is receiving your attention she will be encouraged to build your desire more so.
Your body will most likely respond to stimulation whether you were previously up for it or not. So step out of your lazy ass bubble! why not keep both yourself and the wife happy. Just give freely lol and all are satisfied
Weydon
November 10, 2007
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I see what your saying, but I'm looking at most of those words going hand in hand with even casual lust. Perhaps adoration and romance are exclusively for loving lust. Really I think it boils down to semantics on what we term lust. You have to be into it for it to be any good.
A cornerstone of sitcoms seems to be that the wife-figure is never in the mood, and that horndog man wants to sleep with her at any opportunity! Do you think the wife should also submit herself to the husband anytime he's in the mood? Nothing will ever get done! lol
"Agreed if its your nextdoor neighbour lol but how about your wife?"
Eh, yeah basically. I mean, there aren't going to be 1000s of scenarios where my main squeeze wants to get busy with me that I'm going to not be in the mood. But what am I going to do? Roll my eyes and keep my eyes on the watch as I go through the motions?
"1) You ignore her needs and carry on watching tv ignorant to the possible damage recurrances of this behaviour may cause. In other words she goes and finds someone who will make an effort."
True, but for me it wouldn't happen TOO often. So anytime the my favorite show or game is on, I may not be in the mood to drop it. I wouldn't then go on ignoring her for the rest of the week (though baseball season does enhance this possibility...lol), so I think it would be ok in the end. LOL Perhaps it's very "guy" of me, but only one of the oppurtunities being presented to me in this scenario can be done at anytime of our choice haha. Though TiVo will now save many relationships!
"2) Joining in you decide to let her get on with it while you watch tv and hope she gets bored. Again no sacrifice from you, your not in the mood so that is that. She feels unloved undesireable and so gives up on taking care of herself..whats the point if you dont find her attractive."
I'm not just some sex machine damnit!! lol Seriously though, while it usually doesn't take much more than the passage of 5 minutes for me to realize "Hey, I'm in the mood...", what am I supposed to do if I'm not? And again, while I may blow her off for the rest of the game, I would certainly make her feel desirable at other times. And like I said, if SHE gets me in the mood, things could change. She tries to tickle me on into bed but I'm watching the Yankee game so brush it off. Then she gives up? I'm sure with a little sultry effort I could be coaxed into giving it up. Of course football's another story...Don't get at least 6 games a week that I'm into there
And while we're talking about ME not sacrificing my precious TV (who would never leave me <3 ) to pleasure her, why can't she sacrifice NOT having the greatest experience of her life for another hour or so lol . What if SHE wasn't in the mood or was watching Gilmore Girls or whatever it is you looney tunes watch. Should she sacrifice her interests and do something she doesn't want to to please me also, or should I AGAIN be the one to sacrifice my "needs" and have such generous patience that I apparently do not get?
"If on the other hand you see this as giving to your wife and in return she gives to you then not only will she get you in the mood but you will actually enjoy pleasing her more as while she is receiving your attention she will be encouraged to build your desire more so.
Your body will most likely respond to stimulation whether you were previously up for it or not. So step out of your lazy ass bubble! why not keep both yourself and the wife happy. Just give freely lol and all are satisfied"
LOL I see what you're saying, but believe me--me NOT wanting to have sex enough probably isn't going to be a problem I run into in a relationship.
November 12, 2007
Applehead, Apology accepted.
Applehead - I agree lust is lust. When feeling lustful we desire to fulfill OUR own desires.
Weydon - My own lustful feelings include making the other person, oftentimes the person I love, feel good.
Weydon, I agree entirely.
Applehead - Lust is usually understood to be about greed not giving.
Agreed if experienced by oneself or a lust for money but not in relation to the essence of this topic.
Applehead - .......the word lust is too narrow especially within marraige.
The topic header was defined as, and was intended to be exclusively concerning lust within marriage. Lust out of marriage is a whole new subject matter.
I mean, there aren't going to be 1000s of scenarios where my main squeeze wants to get busy with me that I'm going to not be in the mood.
but believe me--me NOT wanting to have sex enough probably isn't going to be a problem I run into in a relationship.
Weydon, I had you pinned as an older man until I read those comments.
Weydon, Are you married?
Lustful feelings towards one's marital partner are not a selfish act. It is not about self gratification. A simple definition of lust within marriage is having a desire for one's partner. That desire is not purely to fulfill one's own needs and wants, it is a shared experience of giving and receiving between man and wife. As a Christian I understand why the Christian's perspective of lust is bad and that is because it is viewed as though we are putting the object of our lust above God. That is not the case when related to lust during sex within marriage. The flesh being as one etc. A theological based discussion was not and is not my intention.
My question was not about whether lust is right or wrong but whether it is a requirement for a fulfilling and loving marriage. Let me rephrase the question. Can a healthy sexual relationship between man and wife be enduring without lust?
Applehead
November 14, 2007
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ok so are we changing the meaning of lust purely for your topic?
"The topic header was defined as, and was intended to be exclusively concerning lust within marriage. Lust out of marriage is a whole new subject matter."
It was not my intention to discuss relationships out of marraige. What I was trying to get across is that within a marital sexual relationship there should and can be so much more than than shallow lust. Love and lust are different things completely it saddens me to think that people see it as so necessary to sexual relationships. Dont get me wrong Im sure it feels great to some but depth and passion are of greater magnitude when true love is at work.
"Can a healthy sexual relationship between man and wife be enduring without lust?"
in a nutshell yes
petethemeat
November 12, 2007
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The world is being ravaged today by those ignorant of issues yet still holding strong opinions. While my opinion is based on my daily observations and talk, I have not the first hand experience necessary to hold a strong opinion in such matters.
To me a strong opinion should be supported, yet as I have not been married, I lack the expertise to truly argue for or against such a position.
Weydon
November 12, 2007
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Well, I just turned a full-blown 23 years old a couple weeks ago. That's old in some circles, right?
"Weydon, Are you married?"
Thank goodness, no--I am not. But, as pete pointed out, this perhaps make my opinion a little unimportant here. But I have been in long term relationships, and really my opinion is how I would have to feel if I was going to be ready to marry someone. Firstly, I would already be with them for quite some time before considering it, and secondly I'd STILL have to care deeply for her AND be lustful with her.
November 17, 2007
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Not at all. Sexual lust within marriage differs from other types of lust.
Applehead - it saddens me to think that people see it as so necessary to sexual relationships
This is now touching on the intended purpose of the topic; 'The necessity of lust'
petethemeat - To me a strong opinion should be supported, yet as I have not been married, I lack the expertise to truly argue for or against such a position.
Honourable words petethemeat.
Weydon - Well, I just turned a full-blown 23 years old a couple weeks ago. That's old in some circles, right?
I have no doubt the age of 23 is 'old' in some circles, this forum being one. You missed the point of my comment. Your earlier comments spoke of how you could not foresee any circumstances where you would not be 'in the mood' for sex. This is because you are still young. As you get older your passion for sex will inevitably fade.
My brief stay amongst you all on this forum ends here. Reasons why do not need to be discussed.
Take care,
Dan.
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