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wow...I am gonna say that virginity is totally not overrated. Also Im gonna say first before I continue that I am not a complete believer in all things god related and that I am in fact a 19 year old virgin. That being said....I think that sex is important in a sense. Of course you dont want to get married and realize your totally not compatible sexually BUT that can usually be fixed somehow. Trying different things. Counselors. I feel like once teenagers have sex that immediately connect it with love. Its a deep moment your sharing with someone. Do I think teenagers...those under 18 in my opinion... have the responsiblity and mind set that should be there for sex? Not anymore. Back in the old days they were ready. They were prepared and shipped off to make babies and get married. Now kids are made to be kids and have no more responsiblity than cleaning their rooms. I am neither for nor against it. Premarital sex that is. the world has two main ideas about sex. One that it is something to be shameful of and to hide and two that sex is the most important thing there is to life and connecting with a person. Toss that into a kids head and watch that spin. Sex is certainly a private thing but its nothing to be shameful of and thats what needs to be taught. Not that having sex before marriage will condemn you to hell. I choose at this point to remain a virgin until I am ready. If Im not ready till my wedding night then fine but Im not going out at this point looking for a lay. Nothing other than myself weighed in on my decision and that is also what needs to be taught. You are the only important decision maker in this situation. I think if you are ready for all the endless possibilites having sex...before marriage or not then go for it. I think its only a big deal because people dont want abortions and teenagers with babies. And that is a good thought but teaching nothing but virginity its gonna help those odds any. Sex does not equal love it equals an illusion of love in people.60% Voted for by Stepherz804, mygeneration, Cube.
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It's important -- but not the end of the world.I've been a virgin for 18 years, and I planned to remain one until marriage. I found the man I wanted to marry -- so why not have sex with him before the vows are spoken? Virginity is over rated. When it comes to sex, I've found out that virginity is only 10% maybe of a sexual relationship. It's good to be a virgin couple and grow together during sex, which is what I and my fiance have been doing. I think if you want to have sex, have it! It's not the end of the world if you lose your virginity to a boyfriend/girlfriend!Voted for by xVowsareSpoken.Please login or register to comment.
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I don't think so either, and think it's important to know full sexual compatibility before entering something as serious as marriage. Just be responsible and understanding of what could happen of course. Protection is always a must.
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Why is it important to be sexually compatible, Weydon? I consider sex nice, yes, but all the same an unecessary luxury. People can have a meaningful relationship without sex. Also, take into account that many marriages work out fine even if the couple didn't know if they were sexually "compatible" prior to their marriage.
I'm not speaking for or against premarital sex here, I'm just saying that your particular argument is rather strange-- what's so important about being sexually compatible? As I say, sex may be nice and a wonderful way to express love (or, I guess some people don't even care about love with sex), but it's hardly necessary. True, marriage virtually always entails sexuality, but people don't NEED it. How then can it be "important" for them to be sexually "compatible"? -
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*shrug* I also think it's important to be compatible in senses of humor and overall politics. Some people this may not be important to. I could not be in a long term relationship, let alone marriage, with someone who didn't find me hilarious, make me laugh, be a strong supporter of individual rights, or sexually compatible. I am friends with people that fit some or none of those parts. But I am not intimate with and spending many days with or eventually LIVING with them and sharing my life with them either.
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Oh, and about my previous debate...
LoL! A couple years ago, back in the good old day, I began a debate on why premarital sex is bad... Haha. I said that as a virgin. Knowing what sex is and what it's truly about and what it means between the couple opened up my eyes. So, trust me-- I was a hardcore "Virgin 'til Marriage!" chick, and even I don't think premarital sex is horrible! It's wonderful, if you're doing it with someone you love.
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what your missing, and I'm assuming that you are christian for this to even matter to you , is that once you have had sex with someone, you are married, its not a cerimony that makes marriage, but an act.
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huh married?? well i agree it creates a tie but married? if that be the case why get married?
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Dwn
Not true.
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u said virginity not premarital sex... get yout grammer plz... sry that had me completly confused for like 5 minutes.
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I do not believe that you know what sex is about, but we don't need to remain in ignorance. I offer the following link for your edification:
http://media.pcog.org/en/Literature/MDS_EN_05.pdf -
Mud that lnk seems to lead only to an active x control download, you sure you got it right?
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Yes, go ahead. Don't come crying ten years down the line :-0. I'm sure at some point in time all people, if honest to themselves regret decisions similar to the one you are about to make. Don't believe the lie that sex is [the] fundamental ingredient to your relationship. Be careful that your relationship will start evolving around it, for when for whatever reason is becomes more difficult to endeavor in sex, your relationship might just fall flat. The need to be sexually compatible is nonsense - if you love someone for the right reasons, you will become sexually compatible. Me and my wife waited until after marriage (at times it was difficult, because media throws sex at us frequently). Initially (after marriage) sex was frustrating (we were incompatible!!!), but after almost 10 years (which is a short time) we have become compatible (I'm sure she'll agree) to the point of enjoying it thoroughly when the occasion arises (This I know from the fact that the occasion is not necessarily prompted by me anymore).
The interesting thing (which for me relates to the lure of sin) is that sex has become much less of an issue (and a necessity). Just being together is often enough, and often friendship/companionship far exceeds sex in value in the relationship - now that sex is permissive (and the lure of sin does not exist). This in itself for me is proof of sin and temptation. The lure changes form after marriage.
I think God knows you infinitely better than you know yourself. The laws (or guidelines) which he has given to you are not to restrain you, but to protect you. Don't be deceived! -
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You see, from my perspective taking 10 years of marriage before you could consummate your love mutually would say something to me about the relationship fundamentally.
Sex is by far not the only thing, how-ever to me it is one important facet of a healthy relationship.
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You've got it wrong. I said we are married for so long. I did not say that it took that long before we both enjoyed sex. I agree that it is an important facet of a marriage relationship. I don't agree with sexual relationships external to marriage, and I having sexual relationships out of marriage is simply playing with a fire that you are not aware of yet.
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How would you know?
Your tone is awfully condescending. Don't downplay the seriousness and deep connections of a relationship that involves pre-marital sex--even a failed one. I know when my love is true, and when I just have a sexual connection and little more. I don't get blinded by orgasms that make me under some false impression I'm in love and should be married. Your love may have lasted longer than any of my relationships, but that's more out of default than anything else. I'm not even old enough to be married for 10 years. This extended time together doesn't give you an advantage over my shorter "sexual themed relationships". -
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I haven't had sex. I'm trying very hard to wait till marriage, but that doesn't mean I'm a virgin to all sexual experience. I think that people confuse sex with love far to easily. Sex is a pleasurable experience shared between a man and woman, love is choice you make to put the other person before yourself. I'm a Catholic Christian and have had people telling me this is the reason you should wait to have sex. I've had an equal amount of people tell me the reasons why you shouldn't wait. Sex equals a great amount of pleasure (and other things which are for another topic) and I know that. My reasons for waiting are merely I want to show him that I could have, and HAVE had a vast amount of opportunities and invitations presented to me to have sex, but I want him to be the only one. I do NOT believe virginity to over rated in the slightest. To want to save yourself for one person is a very honorable thing. I know plenty of people who aren't virgins, I'm not going to tell them they can't go have sex. I don't agree with it and I don't support it, but I can't stop them. I'm not going to throw a fit over it either, or say "your a horrible person for having sex outside of marriage" in the same way, people may not agree with me trying to remain a virgin, but don't expect me to take kindly to you if you try to tell me I'm a fool for doing something I believe in. You receive religious reasons, scientific reasons, personal reasons, etc. why you should or shouldn't wait till marriage, but in the end you're going to have to be the one to decide whether or not abstinence is the way to go. Once more, If one is atheist they aren't going to have the same views as a Christian so to expect two different people to share the same views on said topic when they are in two different worlds so to speak is ridiculous. Unless you see both sides of something and try to understand both sides of something how are you ever suppose to know how the other person thinks? I don't know if I make sense. These are just thoughts that have been floating around for a while.
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I have to speak from a Christian point of view, and seeing that I really believe, it is quite impossible for me to enjoy sex with the knowledge of an all seeing God with whom I have a personal relationship watching (That is if I don't have sex with my wife). With my wife I have His blessing (my belief).
Furthermore, because of the fact that my belief is honest, I can't see from an atheistic point of view (it is simply not possible). As far as pre-marital sex is concerned, I consider it a sin, and the fruit of sin according to my belief is regret and ultimately even death (the eternal kind). I also believe sin is forgivable, but one reaps what you sow. I do believe that having pre-marital sex will make you reap some form of regret (as all sin), and while people may differ in opinion, mine is unchangeable, otherwise my belief would be forfeit.
The consequences of pre-marital sex is simply not immediately apparent. The regret may even happen over years. Not all people regret sin, but they might yet.
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"Furthermore, because of the fact that my belief is honest, I can't see from an atheistic point of view (it is simply not possible)."
??? You of course have a right to your own beliefs, but that is a TERRIBLE way to go about things. It's NOT POSSIBLE to see something from someone else's point of view? This is what compassion and empathy and understanding are based off of. I don't believe that the Sun is a living entity that should be idolized, but I am willing to look at through the perspective of someone that does rather than shake my head violently and say "No way! God wouldn't want me to!".
Speaking of "God wouldn't want me to", that has been your only reason presented against this. Which is fine for yourself if that's what you want to believe. But please stop alluding to the fact that me and the good people I know that have had pre-marital sex are sinners that may lose out in the afterlife for something that has not been explained to being wrong. Your "reason" for it being wrong is because older people told you it was wrong when you were a kid. If you would be willing to explain WHY God thinks this is a horrid sin, I'd be willing to consider it. But as the Christian God that I worship is a compassionate, loving, and merciful God, it "is simply not possible" for me to understand your viewpoint. God doesn't flippantly make up rules for what's a sin or not, He does so because they hurt other people deeply. It's not a rambling list of "Ok so...keeping your socks on in bed is a sin...wearing a hat after 5 is a sin...having sex is a sin...HEY! DON'T YOU DISOBEY ME!!"
I cannot see anything inherently harmful about consenting adults responsibly enjoying intercourse, ESPECIALLY when in love. If you feel it's best to wait than that's fine, but I do not think God will punish you for opposing my personal view on this moot matter. -
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:-). If I knew all the reasons for why God would want this and why God would not want that, I would be God. Nevertheless, I do have some ideas as to why. God does, and has made rules, whether you as created like this or not. This does not mean God is not a loving God. I myself have rules in my own house, and I'm certainly a loving farther. One of the rules I have is that the dog may not bite the cat. I also have a rule that my daughter may not hurt the dog.
Some rules have logic that I can comprehend, but my dog or child cannot.
You have a choice really: Be a God unto yourself, or choose God. Nowadays the first choice is most often portrayed as the best. Choosing God, like Christ, implies obedience. Not being obedient is a manifestation of unbelief. I can look from an atheistic point of view, and I can justify it certainly from an atheistic point of view, but that would simply not be my view. From a Christian point of view, the Bible in its entirety are quite clear on this. It does not say that Sex is sinful, but it says that sex has a purpose, and that purpose is within wedlock. If you don't believe in the Bible as true word of God, we have nothing to argue about. I would seem to you like a brick wall, incomprehensible and likewise. I can argue from an atheistic point of view, for this reason I don't hate atheist, I just pity them. This pity can be a hate spurring thing, but it is not out of hate or out of thinking that I'm better, because I don't think I'm better. I do regard the ability to be obedient as grace, and I might also have sex out of wedlock (or prior to). The urge is/was certainly there, but the regret would/would have been great. I don't judge people who've had sex outside of marriage, but I do think they will regret it at some stage, and this thought is subject to my belief and inflexible. If it does flex, it will be due to a change of belief. For this reason I can only understand and atheistic point of view, I cannot condone it.
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I see what you're saying. And I DO believe in God and Jesus and am quite familiar with the Bible. But that also means that I'm familiar with the fact that it was once completely okay to pay for wives--many wives at once. Was the purpose of sex inside of wedlock the same then as now? We're just like any other animal that connects parts and makes offspring, only more rigidly organized and the females have little to no say in the matter?
God and Jesus taught me the wonders of compassion and mercy. Much of the Bible oddly goes against this. I cannot simply believe that because this Book insists that it is infallible that it is. Because that is the only proof it has. And yes, I know "That's why they call it faith!". I have faith in God. But not a book that has been put together and printed by and re-re-re-translated by men since 300 years after Christ died and resurrected anyway.
But yes, that is just me, and you are as you already explained. I suppose we've reached that brick wall you were talking about. I don't think anything too horrid is happening on either side of our wall really, so hopefully God will forgive me for genital swapping and we can get to know each other better in Heaven someday
Good discussion.
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What if...
... your genital swapping might lead to the loss of someone else's faith. The compassionate Christ did tell the prostitute to go forth and sin no more, did he not. To what sin did he refer?
I do agree with compassion, yes absolutely. Some of God's laws and ways are incomprehensible, I'll admit to that. Obedience does not imply comprehension and the maker does not require the made to ask questions (JOB..). The OT had its purpose - to reveal God and to predict Christ. It also showed that when Israel followed the ways of the world, they usually went down hard.
Satan, whom I also happen to believe in, but not serve is a great deceiver. He certainly deceived Eve, who in turn deceived Adam. How illogical can God be, did he tell you to not take from this tree, this, the juiciest of them all? Absurd. Who is this absurd God anyway... Regret... ;-)
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i am curious does it say in the Bible that God agrees to all practices of His people or does it simply give a detailed description of life and the everloving forgiveness God gives for our sin?
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not older people...
My belief does not come from older people. It comes from accepting the grace of Christ. I might have been introduced to Christ by older people. I have always felt Christ knocking on my heart (since child). I have simply not ignored that knock, and I cannot accept going against his Word and Will whilst still calling myself Christian. Conformance to this world is the least of my concern. This I hope I'm able to say even in the face of death, for I believe in hope after death. I choose to not conform, even when this goes against what it believed to be illogical. This actually corresponds, I realize - to Christ and Paul's words.
1Co 3:19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.
1Co 2:5 That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.
And the words of Christ himself, who did not question God the Father unto death:
Mat 19:17 And he said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God: but if thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments.
So you see, arguing with me is really like arguing with a brick wall. My logic is subjected to my belief, unfortunately for the sake of argument. Nevertheless I have to speak, because my belief compels me, otherwise it would not be.
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Very nicely put. I agree 100%.
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I was commenting on...
"You see, from my perspective taking 10 years of marriage before you could consummate your love mutually would say something to me about the relationship fundamentally."
This is what I replied to when I said "You've got it wrong".
Apart from that, what I can comment on is the "incompatibility" jargon :-). If you communicate long enough and you love one another for the right reasons, you will be compatible. It's a matter of good communication. On the other hand sex that may have been very compatible might become incompatible at a later stage. What would you choose: A year of trying to get it right whereafter you have a lifetime of love (including and excluding sex), or a month of wow wang bang, whereafter you suddenly realize you've had it all wrong. The interesting thing is that the relationship may continue for the sake of sex only. I'm not saying this is so in your case, but I happen to know guys. I've seen guys willing to waste a month of smooth talking for sex. I've known (to my dismay) guys that loose interest as soon as they have sex, even after relationships worth months. Do you, girl or lady, want to loose your virginity on the possibility. You have no guarantees.
Sex is certainly some kind of wonderful, but know that this is only a facet of your relationship. Not the greatest one either. When things go wrong the one great sexual experience is not going to make it go right again. Don't start a relationship because of the sex. Don't believe the "Sexual compatibility" lie. If you like a person enough to marry him, if you don't find the person repulsive, the sex will work out sooner or later, and you'll have more than enough time to practice. Speaking from a Christian point of view, if your belief is tangible, your conscience also remains clear. I cannot speak from any other point of view and have know argument as the basis of our arguments would differ.
With all respect. -
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"If you communicate long enough and you love one another for the right reasons, you will be compatible. It's a matter of good communication."
Hm, well I dunno about that. I mean, I guess it worked out for you, and I do think communication is usually a key to better sex with a person, but as someone who has experienced more partners--this isn't always the case. Heck, sometimes people are just weird KISSERS and it can't be changed.
"What would you choose: A year of trying to get it right whereafter you have a lifetime of love (including and excluding sex), or a month of wow wang bang, whereafter you suddenly realize you've had it all wrong"
I don't understand by what you mean "had it all wrong". If you mean that the relationship goes kaput, I'd rather that. Most relationships split within a couple of months anyway, may as well have enjoyed it as best you can until then. And eventually through this method you will find someone you spend many years with, and maybe even your whole life.
"I've seen guys willing to waste a month of smooth talking for sex. I've known (to my dismay) guys that loose interest as soon as they have sex, even after relationships worth months."
So have I. I've also known people that marry for money. This doesn't mean that marriage is inherently bad and should never happen. It just means some people are messed up.
"Do you, girl or lady, want to loose your virginity on the possibility. You have no guarantees."
I think the only activity you should perform with a person that involves you having the mindset "Wow...I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life with this person..." is marriage itself. Believe it or not I know many girls that love sex and not because they think they've found "the one" anytime they do it. I do think it is helpful, guy or girl, to have your first time be with someone you love and trust. More comfortable that way. Or, you know, really, really drunk
"Sex is certainly some kind of wonderful, but know that this is only a facet of your relationship. Not the greatest one either."
I agree (well, okay, I think it's ONE OF the greatest lol). But I also think the same about dependability. It's wonderful. That person is devoted to you and wants to be with you and you could rely on them if you wanted to. This is important to any serious relationship. But it's not everything. Just because someone really likes me and would do a lot for me doesn't mean I'm going to fall for them. And vice versa. It happens all the time in the world. You need a mix of things in a healthy relationship, and having solely a reliable person to tend to your needs and little else is a lot like having a nice enough friend or a parent around.
"if you don't find the person repulsive, the sex will work out sooner or later, and you'll have more than enough time to practice."
Probably. I would really have to advise doing other types of sexual exploration at least if you're going to bar genital bumping. I'm practically a completely different person in the bedroom than I am anywhere else. It would be important for someone I just married to know that.
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I'm not telling you you have to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should be free to whatever kind sexual experience they want as long as all parties involved are for it. That includes having no sex until after marriage. I just feel that you risk marrying someone who you would not have a good sexual relationship with because you never knew--but as you said, as long as you're doing a lot of "other stuff" you could have a decent understanding I suppose.
If you feel saving yourself so that your husband will be the only one is important, than that's fine. I feel that a person's past experiences in love and lust matter little to me, and all I would care about is that I'm the only one she wants to spend her life with have sex with for the rest of our lives. -
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I somewhat agree. I feel as if you really love a person, then you should do what your feelings or passion suggest. However, if you are the type that "loves quickly" and goes through several guys a month, then you shouldn't have sex just because you "think" you love them. -
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Yes, good point. However I'm not against people having responsible, casual encounters if they want.
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As a child I was always taught that if you loved a person and the person loved you then you both can wait. When I read romance books the girl always end up being a virgin, the boy always looks upon her in a different light (a pure light). My mind and my life long teaching are in constant battle because from history I know that the whole virginity losing thing is just plot men used to keep women in line, to keep women submissive to men. Even in this stage of history:
If a women is known to have sex with more then three men she is a slut. While if a men is known to have been around he is not condemned but secretly looked up upun because..."no woman wants an unexperience lover"
My point is: In the past men used sex to control women. examples:
Mary was a virgin, mary is looked upon as pure and holy because she was a virgin.
most men wants to marry a virgin. Why because she is thought to be pure and holy and "innocent"
What I really think: every thing in life is a bunch of crap. Why do people think the way they do? why do people do the things they do? It is because of history (and the eyes that history was written in.
If history was written in the of a women, do you think sex would be thought as sinful by anyone? do you think Eve would have been the one to eat the apple, therefore causing forever doom? no! and do you think women in this age and time would be submissive to men? Hell no!
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It dependsOn your morals and how you value yourselfVoted for by Carpool.Please login or register to comment.
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Adding your comment:
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It can be great
I lost my virginity several years ago to a man that I loved at the time, and in some ways will always love. We were together for 3 years and we cared a great deal for each other.
We broke up a while ago... and yes it sucked, however, I don't regret it. In fact I am very happy that he was my first, even if things didn't turn out the way I had wanted at the time.
Let your heart guide you. What it comes down to, is living life with no regrets. If you feel ready and won't hate yourself the next day, or in a month, or years down the line, then do it. If not, if you feel like you might have regrets then you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
Good luck -
It can be great
I lost my virginity several years ago to a man that I loved at the time, and in some ways will always love. We were together for 3 years and we cared a great deal for each other.
We broke up a while ago... and yes it sucked, however, I don't regret it. In fact I am very happy that he was my first, even if things didn't turn out the way I had wanted at the time.
Let your heart guide you. What it comes down to, is living life with no regrets. If you feel ready and won't hate yourself the next day, or in a month, or years down the line, then do it. If not, if you feel like you might have regrets then you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
Good luck -
It can be great
I lost my virginity several years ago to a man that I loved at the time, and in some ways will always love. We were together for 3 years and we cared a great deal for each other.
We broke up a while ago... and yes it sucked, however, I don't regret it. In fact I am very happy that he was my first, even if things didn't turn out the way I had wanted at the time.
Let your heart guide you. What it comes down to, is living life with no regrets. If you feel ready and won't hate yourself the next day, or in a month, or years down the line, then do it. If not, if you feel like you might have regrets then you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
Good luck
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