There are 3 choices, 7 votes for candyecane2002's debate

How do I get inside of his heart and mind?

How do I get him to open up to me? I am terribly in love with my boyfriend, and neither of us is the other's "type". Nevertheless, we have fallen in love with each other. We have become best friends. However, he has a horrible, crime related past. He's never had anyone treat him the way I do, and he has never had anyone that he could put all his trust into. He's never had someone love him unconditionally for him, instead of his money. He has always gotten hurt. Then, I came along. I am everything he's been looking for. I would never judge him or anything, and he is constantly making me proud because he's trying very hard to change his life for the better. The only problem is... he tends to shut me out when we have scruffs. I am the type of person that wants to know how the other person feels. I want to know their opinion because I am capable of looking on both sides of a situation. I want to see how I'm wrong if I'm wrong, and I want to understand fully how the argument is built. I just don't want him to shut me out. Please help me to understand why he's doing it, or how to get inside because I believe he is "the one".
  • how?
    by not forcing him. a clam will close if a shadow falls over it, but will slowly open up if it doesnt go away immediately. so be there, but dont force him to open up.

    someone once said: "for you to love me fully, you must love yourself first"
    57%  Voted for by Kazrith, TeChNoWC, Weydon, Stepherz804.
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  • Love
    Love is never forcibly taken but only freely given. I hope all works out for you and him but you must first mentally realize that it actually may not happen for you two. You seem to spend alot of time describing his horrible background. Understand, I do not wish to come across wrong here, but you must realize that basically you have only the power to change yourself. Even though you may have the power to influence someone else, change can only come from within themselves personally. "To change" is a decision, no doubt, but it's also an attitude of the heart. Someone once said "your attitude is the aroma of your heart"...meaning when someone is sincerely ready to change then they will make the personal decision to change and their attitude will reflect that decision.

    Yes I understand during arguments he pulls away from you and his past seems to get in the way but quite honestly, your past can and will influence you but it does not have to control you.
    28%  Voted for by Energizer Bunny, pnktrky.
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  • Trust and closeness
    If you push him, he'll push you right out the door. Give him space but let him know your around. Depending on the crimes hes had you might wanna be a bit leery. Trusting is a difficult thing especially if youve been burned before. I cant honestly say I trust anyone but with that comes extreme paranoia and weirdness. You cant make him tell you what he doesnt want to say so just be there. give him a hug or sit in silence or something. You start a deep conversation and see if he steps in.

    Oh and if I just had an argument with someone my first instinct would not be to go tell them everything in the world. It'd be to say back up let me breathe for a few.
    Voted for by Stepherz804.
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