There are 5 choices, 5 votes for Annabel Lee's debate

Is It True?

This is about love, yes, love. How do you know when first meet someone or when you get to know them that you love them? Is there just a gut feeling? So, how would you know if it was true love?

• I Don't Know

  I’m in a relationship right now, and I’m just utterly confused by my feelings. He told me that he loved me. And I couldn’t say it back. I felt surprised and amazed, and a little scared all at once. But the words just didn’t roll out of my mouth like I hoped they would. So, am I just forcing myself into a relationship that might as well be a lie? Or do I love him? I don’t know how love actually feels, and I’ve never honestly felt it.

  Voted for by Annabel Lee.

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  • Scrap
    April 18, 2005
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    I don't envy you. Well, those confusing and scary feelings CAN be fun... But anyway. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. And it's very mature of you to not simply spit an "I love you too" out like nothing, not caring whether you do or not. Even if you DID say it but know you're not sure, it's important that you recognize that you're not sure yet. "So, am I just forcing myself into a relationship that might as well be a lie? Or do I love him? " Why does their need to be an immediate connection? Take time if you need it. You can be in a long realtionshop without being in love or being confused about how you feel. I wish I could give you some good advice on how to certainly tell if you're in love or not. There is a degree of truth to when people say, "You'll just know". Because it is possible to be certain. But it's also more likely to be scared and confused. In fact, it's better to be scared and confused, because even when you're "certain" you could be wrong ;) You don't seem to be suffering from confusing feelings of lust or infatuation, because you're willing to admit you don't know how you feel. So this may be unneccesary, but ask yourself questions like, "Would I still be with him if he was bald (assuming he's not a skinhead)? Would I still be with him if he was scarred in a fire? Do I truly listen to and appreciate what he has to say, and vice versa?" Corny mumbo jumbo like that. Now, the truest definition of love I've ever heard was by Robert A. Heinlein: "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." Perfectly described, as far as I'm concerned. So it's also important to wonder if his happiness is essential to your own happiness (and, again, vice versa. We don't want you go around sacrificing too much like a subordinate wench). Problem there is, that definition fits all types of love really--not just being IN love. So, we're really kind of at square one and I've rambled for no good reason. But anyways, if you find out you do at least plain love him, and you want to jump his bones, AND you have a good gut feeling, you're probably in love. Even then you'll have scared and uncertain feelings, but that may just mean you have leap in headfirst. Confusing, I know. But at least you know you're not along in being confused. OH! And don't buy into anyone who defines being in love through sappy romance cliche's. You know what I'm talking about. Another afterthought: How long have you been together? Sometimes people jump the gun on this kind of stuff, simply because they care for the person a lot and they're having a great time in the relationship.

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