There are 2 choices, 6 votes for Kazrith's debate

Rape - how to find a way to put it behind you?

This is a topic that seems to be becoming a bigger problem now for there are more rape reports being filed than there was a decade ago.

whether it is the rape of a woman or a man, what is the best way of being able to put it behind you and return your life to the way it used to be?

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  Not that hard? Who are you to say?!?! I don't think you should go around saying that. Have you ever been raped because if you have been you would know how ignorant that statement was. There is no positive version of rape or enforced amnesia of rape, there is acceptance but that doesn't necessarily mean that you get over it, it just means that you accept that you can't change it. You can put it behind you but you can't go back to the way you were, but you can become someone better, someone stronger. I'm sorry launcelot, you may mean well, but you are just way off base.

  83%  Voted for by PureAmethyst, ElisaRose, NNYAnime, The Blind Bandit, realfairy.

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  • Launcelot
    September 2, 2005
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    Merely making you think...

    Its philosophy, its opinion and I vaule yours. What I was basing my argument off of is the fact that the "I" or "me" the "self" dosent actually exist. Its a myth, and no matter how painfull the precieved event may seem, its not you and can be overriden. Psychodramas work the best for something like this i think. If anything, at least I added at post to this guys debate lol.
  • ElisaRose
    September 3, 2005
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    "Merely making me think"? Self does exist, it's not something tangible, but it exists. To say self doesn't exist is to wipe away all the humanity in you. You may not think you have a self but trust me it's there, I think self is intertwined with conscience, and to laugh at such an important and painful topic makes me understand your theory all the more clearly.
  • gobuggy99
    September 12, 2005
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    I have to say I agree with ElisaRose. Not only is it ignorant but it's plain rude to say to someone "Well, you've been raped, boohoo, get on with it, not a big deal." Or, maybe since aparently "self" doesn't exist, it wasn't "you" who said that. Or maybe by now you've "reprogrammed" your ignorance and you "enforced amnesia" about ever having said it.
  • PureAmethyst
    September 15, 2005
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    ...

    i agree, unless you've had to deal with it yourself, you wouldnt know, maybe people can get over it quickly, but i know the majority of us would find it quite a difficult thing to jus 'put behind us'
  • PurplePayne
    September 20, 2005
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    Rape isn't something to be taken lightly. It's not something you can just forget. From the very first moment of fear until the day you die it will always have an effect on how you see yourself and other people. I find it hard to trust other people because of what I went through and at certain times of the year (normally near the anniversary of the event) I find it hard to let my fiance get close. Being raped isn't something you just forgive and forget.
  • NNYAnime
    November 4, 2005
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    I agree

    I have never been raped myslef but the stories I hear tell me that you can't just forget it and you sure as hell can't "turn it positve" no matter how you look at it you have been violated, a part of you will always feel that. You can work on moving forward by surrounding yourself with freinds, family and kind caring people who understand but you will always have a fear lingering in the back of your mind. it will never go away but in time it may be possable to move forward and live your life in spite of it. if you try to just try to forget it, it will only haunt you. Launcelot, saying that it isn't that hard is like saying "oh to bad for you why are you making such a big deal out of it, just trick yourself into thinking it never happened to you, just forget it" I think perhaps you are a bit misguided in your opinion and tho I respect it just the same I still feel it is a bit cruel to speak that way about such a serious this.
  • PureAmethyst
    December 6, 2005
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    I am 15 and i was raped earlier this year. I cannot turn it into a 'positive thing' am i suppose to joke about it?! 'well atleast i've lost my virginity now!' i do NOT think so. Rape is a serious offence and from my own personal experience it is HARD to forget. I live every day afraid when i see a man looking at me. I refuse to have a boyfriend. I cannot trust people and i want to be a lesbian yet i cant. I'm disgusted that you could ever think in such a way.
  • realfairy
    September 2, 2006
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    Pure Amethyst - from my experience (I was raped when I was 8, almost 30 years ago) you will never totally forget. It is something you can come to accept, but it takes a long time for the serious pain to go away, if ever. There are always little reminders - a smell, the way someone touches you, just a feeling. Rape changes you forever, it changes the way you respond to others and to situations. But letting it ruin your life makes you a victim forever. I hope you have moved on since you wrote the above, you can be in control of the rest of your life and it doesnt have to destroy everything for you. It just takes lots of time and - in time for you - a loving partner who can understand that you will always have some memories of it. One day the anger dissolves and you can accept it is part of what makes you you.
  • david13
    November 16, 2006
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    I think one thing that a rape victim can agree with someone that has never been raped is that there was generally no lasting physical harm. Rape is not lot getting into an accident where one loses a limb or the ability to walk. The harm is almost 100% psychological. This might sound crude but a vagina and a penis belong together so there was NO natural violation. The violation occured in someone violating your boundary. And what makes you angrier is not that you were raped in the sense that you don't think a man and a woman belong together in a sexual, physical unity but rather, that you had less power to overcome someone else's power. This is really what it is about. It is about feeling powerless to have defended yourself. That is what it was. It is not a reflection of you. Good people, as well as "bad" people get raped. It does not change anything. My sister was raped. It didn't change anything about the way I saw her. She was pyschologically scarred because the media plays on people's sentimentality to get ratings. If you have been raped, it wasn't your fault. The rapist forced because he had no other means to get what he wanted. Either he didn't have the looks, status, money or skill to get a girlfriend or he grew up in an environment where respecting the law was not high on his list. This is in no way to diminish the hurt you feel. This is just a way to understand what happened to you. If I saw you and found you attractive, your rape would have NOTHING to do with the way I saw you. A guy who has gotten beat up and gotten his wallet stolen does not reflect that he was a coward or a low man. No, he was just overpowered. ANYBODY, even a Mike Tyson, can be overpowered. A gun is an easy way to get power to overwhelm even the biggest person. I repeat, you are no less what you were before the attack. And in many ways, you are STRONGER. You lived through a horrendous act that most people fear as if they were inside the Towers on 9/11. You made it. You have a badge of honor. You are a woman. You are more beautiful. Please remember that for as long as you live, you are more beautiful.

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