There are 23 choices, 4 votes for xVowsareSpoken's debate

Do you know why Premarital sex is wrong?

My opinion on why sex before marriage is wrong and why people should wait.

• Don’t think it’s ‘wrong’ but still waiting

  My boyfriend and I are each 21, we’ve been together more than a year, and we both want to wait until we’re married to have sex, but it’s not because I think it’s ‘wrong.’ It’s true, growing up I never thought about having sex outside of marriage because everything I was taught by my family and church made me assume it was wrong, against God’s will, slutty, etc. and I never even considered it an option. Now that I’ve gone through college, majored in religion, etc I’ve realized that wow the Bible wasn’t some magical instruction book handed down by God but a collection of histories, stories, poems, theologies, etc written by normal men who were far from perfect. I’ve also of course realized that the error filled Bible never even does state it’s wrong and is filled with examples of prostitutes, daughters who get their father drunk so they can get him to impregnate them, a daughter-in law who pretends to be a prostitute to put her father-in law in an awkward position after visiting him, men with multiple wives or concubines or both… and these people were all held up as examples. It’s true that conservative Christianity had a very strong effect on me until I was 18 or 19 and so it’s possible this decision is ‘just’ a remnant of that, but I still want to wait until I’m married to have sex. Not because I think sex is wrong, but because I want my relationship with my husband to be different from all previous relationships, deeper, unique, etc. When I get married, I’m saying I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want a relationship with you that is like none other I’ve had. Did you know when people have sex there is some chemical that is released (the same one released in new moms when they have a baby) that makes them feel a bond with the other person? I want that bond to be only between my husband and I. I don’t want to have to break some other girl’s hold on my husband or for my husband to have to worry about my feelings for an ex. When I get married my husband and I will share something we’ve never experienced with someone else, it will be something that binds us together that binds us to no one else. It’s not that I think then my wedding night will be extra special and holy, quite honestly the first sex/wedding night sex probably won’t be the most magical if my hymen has a painful break or whatever… but waiting means my marriage will begin on a strong foundation that says we’ve set ourselves apart only for each other. The good sex will come with time, we’ll grow together and never have to wonder ‘am I as good as his precious girlfriends?’ or “Is he thinking about his prior girl?” And besides, any first time would be a little awkward. I don’t care if other people have sex, I don’t look down on them (sometimes in the heat of the moment with my boyfriend I quite envy them…) but I think waiting is worth it because I really do think it will make the marriage relationship special and unique in a way taht it can’t be if all that makes it different from previous relationships is a piece of paper (ie already had sex, and/or thinks divorce on grounds other than abuse or an affair is fine). I don’t care if other people want to make their marriages nothing special, just please don’t create a bond with my future husband that I’ll have to deal with. (that was a joke not bitterness…) But anyway, I’m not saying sex is the only thing that makes a relationships special, but it is one thing among others and I want to make my marriage as special and unique and cherished as possible, so I do still want to wait.
  
  I would never base my sexual decisions on societal norms or other people’s opinions, or what my church leaders tell me for that matter, but I am curious to hear what people who are not friends think of my reasoning, if it makes sense (for my life, not to be applied for all people in all places at all times) or if they think it is just a remnant of my conservative up bringing.
  

  50%  Voted for by plainjane, Nocturne.

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    Weydon
    June 17
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    That's easily the very best informed decision on staying abstinent until marriage I've come across! I can respect your decision completely and not think you're making some sad mistake in the long run.
    
    Though I do still encourage you and all to make love should they want to!
    
    

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